The Return of Cell
by Eternal Dragon2
Summary: I actually got this from a dream I once had of Cell being granted a week on earth by King Yemma cause he had too much booze...
1. Cell Returns

This story happens two years after the Cell games...  
  
Cell Returns  
  
One day Lime was enjoying herself in the woods when a boy with spiky black hair was flying past. He looked down, waved at her hand then landed. He seemed familiar, as if she had met him before. Lime searched her memories, and as the boy got closer, she remembered.  
  
"Hey, I remember you. You're Gohan, aren't you?" Gohan smiled and replied, "I can't believe you still remember me after all this time. So how have things been?"  
  
"Not so bad. My grandpa and I are having a great time now that Cell's gone. Hey, who was it that beat Cell? The TV people stuffed up, so I didn't get to see." Gohan wondered if he should tell the truth. "Uh, well... I beat Cell, but my dad helped me too." Lime looked at Gohan with respect.  
  
"Wow! Really? Well I'm glad you did. So what are you doing?"  
  
"I'm going fishing. Wanna come?"  
  
"Sure, but I can't fly Gohan!"  
  
"Well then... why don't I carry you? Don't worry, I won't drop you." Lime heard this and shuddered. She wasn't so sure anymore. I was trying to get that apple, when I fell into the river… then Gohan came and rescued me… he dived in, and carried me to safety… but he was touching… but that was two years ago…he was only rescuing me… GET OVER YOURSELF! Lime managed to persuade herself to fly with Gohan. "Sure."  
  
Together they flew until they reached a large river with crystal clear water. Lime was amazed at the beauty of the water. Gohan stripped (except for hid underwear, of course) and dived into the water. Lime stared, with her eyes wide open. I did NOT see that, she thought.  
  
A few hours passed and Gohan had caught one of the biggest fish Lime had ever seen. They started to head back to the Chazke Village when Gohan sensed a very menacing and familiar ki level. He stopped and concentrated hard. "Gohan what's wrong?" Lime asked. Gohan didn't answer. Instead, he turned around and saw a shadow in the water. "Wait a minute…" breathed Gohan. "Isn't that… it couldn't be, could it? That's just not possible!"  
  
Lime turned to see what Gohan was looking at. Before she could make sense of the blurry creature, Gohan dragged her into some nearby bushes. Lime turned around angrily and demanded, "Hey, what'd you do that for?" Gohan looked angrily at Lime and told her to be quiet. He suppressed his ki level and waited. It wasn't long before the creature emerged. A greenish humanoid creature with purple eyes rose from the water. Gohan's eyes widened as he realised who it was: Cell. 


	2. The Recruiting

The Recruiting  
  
Cell looked around and welcomed his surroundings. "Oh, it's so good to be back. Again. The Earth is now mine once more!" He then sensed a very low power level coming from his left. The ki was surprisingly familiar, and it had a hint of… menace to it.  
  
Don't tell me… don't tell me it's that little brat of a saiyan Gohan! He cringed, and had numerous flashbacks of his fight with Gohan. Cell really did not look forward to fighting Gohan again, so he had to think of a way to avoid him.  
  
He's bound to tell the others now, but they might not believe him. Actually, they'll know I'm here because they can sense my energy as well. Cell was stuck. Even though Goku wasn't alive, Gohan still had the power to kill him. He thought hard, and then came across an idea. "If I remember correctly, I spat Android 18 out, so there might be a chance that if I absorb her again, I might become even more powerful than Gohan… but first I have to work out where she is."  
  
Cell flew off, and Gohan was now trying to figure out a way to tell Android 18 what was happening. He turned around to Lime and said, "Hey Lime, I'm sorry but I'll have to go now and warn the others about Cell. Maybe I'll come back and see you some other time, OK?" Lime nodded, and headed back to her village while Gohan flew towards the Kame House to warn Krillin and Android 18 about Cell.  
  
Gohan arrived outside the Kame house and knocked on the door. Master Roshi came and answered the door. "Oh, hello Gohan. What brings you here?"  
  
"Hi Master Roshi. I'm here warn Krillin and Android 18 that Cell's back. I don't know how he did it, but he's here and out to destroy the Earth once more." By now Krillin and Android 18 were next to Master Roshi and listening intently. "He's trying to find Android 18 so that he can absorb her again," Gohan continued, "so I came here to tell you. Now I have to go to Kami's lookout to warn Piccolo, then to the Capsule Corp to tell Vegeta the news. I want everyone to meet at Kami's lookout this afternoon, got it?" Everyone said yes and Gohan rushed to Kami's lookout.  
  
When he arrived, Piccolo already knew what was happening. "Hi Gohan. I was expecting you. So what are we going to do? I doubt that you'll be able to tap into your powers again." Gohan agreed, and said, "I know, but we have to defeat Cell. If only my dad were here. He'd know what to do." They kept talking, but didn't end up with a plan, so Gohan went to the Capsule Corp.  
  
Vegeta was already outside the Capsule Corp, waiting for Gohan's arrival. How come everyone knew I was coming? Oh well. It saves a lot of time since they already know what's happening. Gohan landed and walked up to Vegeta.  
  
"So you know too? That's good. That means all I'll have to tell you is to meet this afternoon at Kami's lookout. Everyone will be there. Now I have to go home and tell mum. Bye!" Gohan flew back home and told his mum the news.  
  
"Oh no. Not Cell again. Not while I have Goten to look after," Chi Chi wailed. Goten was only one and a half years old, and still in Chi Chi's arms. "I know mum. It's a nuisance, but I have to go this afternoon to sort everything out." Chi Chi screamed and cried, but overall Gohan was allowed to go and save the world again.  
  
The afternoon came around and everyone was assembled at Kami's lookout, but there were two more people than expected. Gohan saw them, and asked unbelievingly, "Dad? Is that you? And who's the green guy who's with you?" 


	3. Prepare for trouble

Prepare for Trouble  
  
"Hi Gohan, hi everyone, this is my friend Pikkon. Pikkon, these are my friends Piccolo, Krillin, Vegeta and my son Gohan. And this over here is… Android 18? What is she doing here?" Goku stared at Android 18, dumbfounded.  
  
"Don't worry Goku, Android 18's on our side now. We're married and Master Roshi's looking after our lovely daughter Marron," Krillin explained.  
  
"Well, it seems like a lot of things have happened in the two years I've been dead. Anyway, I was sent here by the Big Kai…"  
  
"The Grand Kai, Goku! The GRAND KAI!" King Kai's voice boomed through everyone's heads. Vegeta looked upward and said angrily, "What's up with the mad Kai? Is he trying to give us all brain damage or what?"  
  
"Sorry King Kai. Now, as I was saying, the Grand Kai told Pikkon and I that Cell had drugged King Yemma's coffee and made him believe that Cell was a good guy waiting to get revived back on Earth. Yeah, and that's basically how Cell got here. Pikkon and I are here to take him back to the Home for Infinite Losers. But first, we have to kill him, of course. It shouldn't be that hard, though. Pikkon can already take out Cell no problem."  
  
"I certainly hope so Goku. I don't want to have to fight Cell again," said Krillin.  
  
Meanwhile, Cell was trying to solve his dilemma on how to absorb Android 18 since he didn't have a tail. In the end he decided to revert back to his second form. Now he could hide his energy and also absorb the android. He also realised that he could absorb people as well. Maybe if I'm extremely lucky I'll be able to absorb one of the saiyans… that would be really good… Cell eagerly ran off to look for people to absorb.  
  
Lime on the other hand was worried sick. I hope nothing happens to Gohan or his friends… I don't wanna die! Her grand father came along and tried to calm her down. He talked to Lime and eventually convinced her that she was going to be fine.  
  
Back at Kami's lookout everyone was trying to figure out how to find Cell. Vegeta was extremely frustrated (but then again he nearly always is), Piccolo was being his usual conservative self, Pikkon was giving occasional glances at Piccolo, Krillin and Gohan were talking non-stop, Android 18 was trying to help out, and Goku was eating away at the meal Mr. Popo made.  
  
"Guys, we can't sense Cell right now, so he must have found a way to conceal his energy, and that means he could strike at anytime!" Krillin screamed, frightened out of his wits.  
  
"Don't worry Krillin, my dad and I will never let anything happen to you," said Gohan, trying to keep things in order.  
  
"So, you're Piccolo. In the other world tournament Goku told me all about you. He said that we would get along together." Piccolo smiled and said, "Goku's told me about you as well. He says you wear weighted clothes to train. So do I." They talked a bit more until finally Vegeta had enough of standing around and doing nothing.  
  
"All right everybody, that's it! No more standing around. I say we all split up and search for Cell. The first one to find Cell raise your power level and SHOW NO MERCY!!!"  
  
Everyone looked at Vegeta, nodded, and flew off. Gohan went back to the Chazke village, Goku went back home, Vegeta went to South City, Krillin to Gingertown, Pikkon went to East City, Android 18 went to North City and Piccolo stayed at Kami's lookout to watch over everyone. 


	4. The Search is on

The Search is on  
  
Gohan landed in Chazke village and started looking around. "Great..." he muttered. "I just had to pick this village. If I'm as unlucky as I think I am, then I'm going to run into Lime again sooner or later. Then with me distracted, Cell will probably get me for sure." He walked around, looking behind his back every few seconds, just in case either Lime or Cell was there.  
  
Goku was explaining to Chi Chi about why he was back, and where everyone else was. He then eyed a baby in a cot. The baby looked a lot like Goku, so he asked, "Hey, Chi Chi? Is that our new son?"  
  
"Yes. His name is Goten. He's going to grow up to be a great fighter so that he can enter the World Martial Arts Tournament as soon as he grows up. That way he can win money for me."  
  
"What? Really? You're not going to make him study like Gohan did? Wow, you've changed, Chi Chi. Well, I've got to go now. I have to make sure Cell gets sent back to the HFIL before anyone gets hurt."  
  
"Look after yourself, Goku!" Goku smiled and said goodbye, flying off to patrol a nearby city.  
  
Cell was hiding underground, trying to sense Goku and the others' energy levels so that he could find a safe place to gather his energy. 'Let's see now,' he thought. 'If I raise my power level, the others will find me for sure... but, I can travel underground and only reveal my tail for absorbing humans. Then, if Goku or his friends come, I can hide underground. Hey, that means I can also try to absorb one of the fighters if I'm really lucky.'  
  
Piccolo concentrated hard, and got Dende to help. "Cell has to be hiding somewhere. I just have to figure out where." Dende looked at Piccolo's concerned face and said, "Don't worry Piccolo, I'm sure you'll be able to find Cell soon. He can't attack without being noticed, remember?" Piccolo looked back at Dende and thought, 'Dende's right. But now he's smarter than ever, so I'd better not rely on that fact.'  
  
Krillin was flying above Gingertown, agonising over the memory of the time he ran into Cell. 'I just had to take the short, didn't I? If only I hadn't. Then I would never have run into Cell, and I wouldn't have gotten my head smashed through the plane. But then again, that lady with her child would have been two more victims of Cell. Oh, why is life so unfair?'  
  
Android 18 was also worried. She had already been absorbed by Cell once before, and it was a horrible experience. 'Everyone except Vegeta tried to protect me, and yet I still got absorbed. Stupid Vegeta. At least Gohan freed me from the belly of the beast... but stil, I can't expect to be so lucky a second time, so I'd better be careful.'  
  
As Android 18 flew around, a thought occurred to her. 'Wait a minute, if I find Cell, how do I let the others know? I can't raise my power level, because no one will be able to sense it. I could start blasting like mad, but I might hit someone else. Oh well, it'll have to do. I hope the others understand.'  
  
Cell had finally worked out where everyone was, and decided that Nikkitown was the best place to attack. "It's been such a long time since I've been there. I'm sure the people there still remember me." He dug his way to Nikkitown, and started attacking. A patrolling policeman saw Cell's tail appear from nowhere, and screamed, "Everyone, Cell's back! Evacuate the city!"  
  
Piccolo sensed a weak energy level coming from Nikkitown. Dende sensed it too, and Piccolo sent a telepathic message to everyone. 'Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Krillin, Android 18, Pikkon, Cell is attacking Nikkitown!' everyone heard Piccolo, and they all sped towards Cell's location. 


	5. Cornered

Cornered  
  
Cell was busy absorbing a busload of kids when he sensed seven (Piccolo, Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Android 18, Pikkon and Krillin) energy levels headed towards him. 'I knew this would happen. Now to go underground.' He made a huge tunnel, covered up the hole and dug as fast as he could away from the city. Pikon was the first to land, and then the others.   
  
"Great, we're too late. Just like we always are," muttered Piccolo. He remembered the last time they were searching for Cell, he and Tien felt as if they were on a wild goose chase. 'This is ridiculous,' he thought, 'this is going to keep going until who knows when.'   
  
Everyone except Pikkon was annoyed. He was looking around and observing the ground. He turned towards Goku and said, "I don't think that Cell has gone very far. He seems to have dug a tunnel, so he can't be all that far away."  
  
"You're right. Man, you're smart, Pikkon," said Goku admirably, and Pikkon smiled. He looked at Piccolo and said, "I'm not that smart, I'm just your average green alien. Goku just happens to be not that... bright."   
  
Pikkon, Piccolo and Goku started to dig their way towards Cell, while the rest stayed above ground just in case Cell decided to fly off. Goku and the others crawled along the tunnel and listened for noises.   
  
"Hey, you guys, I think I hear dirt crumbling far away from the right. It must be Cell," said Piccolo.   
  
"That's great, but we can't fight him down here, we'll have to get him out of there." Goku looked around in the darkness but he couldn't see anything. His stomach started growling and Pikkon and Piccolo groaned.  
  
"Not again."  
  
"If you keep doing that, Cell will hear us."  
  
"Sorry guys, but I'm really hungry. Can I go and get something to eat?"  
  
"Sure. Why not? We can handle Cell, just get back before you have to go back to the other world, OK?"  
  
"Got it." Goku crawled back out of the tunnel and went back home to eat.  
  
Cell was still digging his way through the dirt. 'How long do I have to keep this up for?' He thought, 'It's good that I'm making a lot of tunnels, though. That will really confuse the others!' He felt much better after his little speech, and continued digging.  
  
Pikkon and Piccolo were still looking for Cell, when all of a sudden Pikkon stopped. He put his hand in front of him and found that there were three paths ahead of him.  
  
"It seems that Cell is trying to lose us by creating many passages," he said.  
  
"Well, we can't search them all. Move aside, I'm going to blast this whole area." Piccolo started gathering energy for his special beam cannon. Pikkon put a hand in front of Piccolo.  
  
"No, don't. if you do he'll know we're on to him. Let me do this." He fired blasts into all three entrances and concentrated hard. He sensed two of them disappear.  
  
"That way," he said, and so the two continued. They ran into more and more splits, and each time Pikkon fired energy blasts to work out where to go. Soon the sound of falling dirt became louder. They finally ran into Cell, and Piccolo said, "Bingo." Cell turned around in horror and realised that he was trapped. He would have to fight or get sent back to the HFIL. 


	6. The Defeat of Cell?

The Defeat of Cell?  
  
Piccolo had an evil smile on his face as he grabbed Cell's tail and dragged him out out of the tunnel and into the open. Cell was screaming and kicking like a baby, trying to pull free of Piccolo's grasp. Vegeta, Krillin, Gohan and Android 18 hurried over to where Pikkon and Piccolo were.  
  
"Let go! If you don't I'll destroy you, namek!" With a violent twist Cell was freed from Piccolo, and faced him and Pikkon. He put his hands to his face and prepared an attack. "Solar flare!" A blinding light surrounded everyone while Cell took the opportunity to try and absorb Android 18. Pikkon realised what was happening and screamed, "watch out everyone, Cell's after Android 18!" Unfortunately no one could stop Cell since they had all been temporarily blinded.  
  
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
There was a scream as Cell advanced on Android 18. She tried to fly away, but Cell was too quick and her head was already in Cell's tail. The others were gradually getting their sight back, and Pikkon was the first to recover. He rushed towards Cell, getting ready to attack, but then stopped abruptly and stared at him. Android 18 was standing beside Cell, unharmed.  
  
"Well Cell, I guess your little idea of absorbing Android 18 didin't work. Well all the better for us. Now we can beat you no problem."  
  
Cell glared at Piccolo, and then started to transform into his perfect body. A protective barrier formed around Cell, and no one could stop him. Pikkon tried his best and used the thunder flash attack, but even that couldn't penetrate the force field that surrounded the android. After a few minutes Cell was perfect again, and everyone could tell that he had also become a lot stronger.  
  
"So, you may have become stronger, but you still can't beat us, and you know that," said Pikkon. Cell looked at Pikkon and said, "oh no, Pikkon, I have become much stronger than you think."  
  
"I don't think so." Pikkon took his hat off, and Cell felt his energy rise to an incredibly high level. 'Interesting. Pikkon uses weighted clothes, just like Piccolo. Perhaps he is stronger than me.'Cell powered up and seemed to be just slightly weaker than Pikkon. Pikkon's eyes widened, and then he smiled.  
  
"I'm very impressed, but you're still no match for me."  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
"Then let me show you." Pikkon flew towards Cell, and just before he hit, he disappeared. He reappeared above Cell, and swung a fist at Cell. Cell dodged, and the two started fighting. Cell was trying his best to keep up, but Pikkon was too powerful. He then tried all his tricks, including using Tien's multiform technique and the kamehameha. Pikkon easily diverted the kamehameha, and knocked out all of the fake Cells.  
  
"Now do you believe me?" asked Pikkon.  
  
"Yes, but I'm not going back unless you make me."  
  
Pikkon sighed and prepared his special technique. "Thunder... flash... attack!" an icy blast headed straight towards Cell, and once it hit him, another intense blast of fire followed. Half of Cell was disintegrated, and Pikkon watched the half that remained. It lied still for a while, and then started moving as Cell started to regenerate.  
  
"Hurry up Pikkon, destroy him while you can! Don't make the same mistake Gohan did. He played with Cell, and that lead to his father's death!"  
  
Pikkon looked at Piccolo, and then back at Cell. He decided against Piccolo's wishes and continued watching Cell regenerate. Piccolo was starting to get mad. Why didn't Pikkon just finish Cell off? 


	7. Paperwork and Confusion

Paperwork and Confusion... 

Piccolo lost his patience and tried to get to Cell and blast him. Pikkon sensed him coming and knocked him out. Everyone stared at Pikkon, shocked. By that time Goku had come back, and when he saw Piccolo lying on the ground, he said, "hey Pikkon, what happened here? And how come Cell's regenerating?" 

"Piccolo tried to do kill Cell while he was in the middle of regenerating, so I stopped him." 

"But why? Dad, isn't he making the same mistake I made?" asked Gohan. 

Goku shook his head and replied, "no. You see, we have to kill Cell without completely disintegrating him, otherwise we'll have to go through a lot of paperwork." 

"Doesn't King Yemma do that?" 

"No, not if doesn't want to. He only has to fill out the forms once, and then he can get anyone he chooses to do it a second time. But, if we kill him with his body intact, we won't have to." 

Everyone nodded, but Vegeta stepped forward and said, "why don't you just do the damn paperwork? It can't hurt that much, can it? Isn't it a lot faster than killing Cell slowly?" 

Pikkon and Goku looked horrified, and Pikkon shouted, "no way! You have _no_ idea how much paperwork there is. _One thousand_ pages! It would take us at least ten years to finish filling out all of them. That's why we have to kill him the slow way." 

By the time the four had finished their conversation, Cell had finished regenerating. He hadn't heard what Goku, Pikkon, Vegeta and Gohan were talking about, so he was wondering why they didn't finish him off. 'Why did they let me regenerate? Don't tell me they're going to keep making me do that. But... they already know that it takes a huge amount of energy.' He then remembered that he had overheard King Yemma's conversation with West Kai, and they were talking about paperwork. 'So that's why they didn't finish me off! Goku and Pikkon want to avoid the paperwork. Well I'm not going to let that happen. They deserve ten years worth of paperwork for what they're trying to do to me!' Cell tried taking off, but Pikkon was too fast and blasted him again. 

"Not so fast, Cell. I know what you're trying to do, and I won't let that happen." 

Cell regenerated again, and had another idea. 'Nobody said that I _had _to regenerate. I could just lie here forever and not get killed. Cell, you are a genius!' 

Everyone was getting bored. Pikkon blasted Cell again, and this time he didn't get back up. Goku scratched his head and said, "hey, why doesn't Cell regenerate? Do you think he's dead?" 

"No," said Vegeta. "Can't you sense his energy? He's fine, but I'm afraid you're going to have to do that paperwork." He then grinned evilly and continued, "You see, Cell has decided that he's going to stay that way and give you no choice but to destroy him. I hope you have fun, Kakarot." Vegeta and the others flew off, leaving Goku, Pikkon and Cell alone. 

"Now what? We can't just stay here forever. I have to eat!" whined Goku. 

"Nobody said that _we_ had to do the paperwork. Goku, are you good at winning arguments?" 

"Well, I've succeeded in persuading King Kai to do stuff, so yeah, I guess I am." 

"Good. I want you to go to King Kai's and somehow get him to do the dirty work." 

"OK, I'll try." 

Goku used the instant transmission to teleport himself to King Kai while Pikkon watched Cell, just in case he decided to try and escape. 'Goku, I hope you can do it. I really don't want to be stuck doing paperwork. I want to be busy training so I can beat you.' 


	8. King Kai's Defeat

Oh, I forgot to tell you, King Kai's planet exists right now... you can use your imagination to figure out how it got there... someone wished it back? 

King Kai's Defeat 

Goku used the instant transmission and went to King Kai's planet. He walked over to King Kai, who was sleeping in his hammock. 'Oh man, now what? How do I get King Kai to do all that paperwork?' Goku tried to remain calm, although his mind was trying its best to think of something good to say. 

"Hey, King Kai, wake up, I have to talk to you." King Kai didn't wake up, so Goku decided to scream in his ear. "HEY KING KAI, WAKE UP!" 

He woke up in a bad mood and screamed back at Goku, "HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M SLEEPING! DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S BAD FOR MY HEALTH?!" 

Goku ignored King Kai and continued, "I NEED TO ASK YOU A FAVOUR... IT'S KINDA... IMPORTANT... NOT REALLY... SORT OF... YOU KNOW..." 

"GOKU, WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP SHOUTING IN MY EAR?" 

"Sorry King Kai, I forgot. Anyway, you see, Cell escaped from the Home For Infinite Losers, and the only way to get him back there is to disintegrate him since he..." 

"He refuses to regenerate every time you blast him. Yeah, I know all about it. You told me, remember?" 

"Well I was wondering if you could do the paperwork for us? Pikkon and I need to keep training for the next Other World martial arts tournament." 

King Kai thought about it. 'Let's see.... If I do all the paperwork, then Goku can get even stronger, which means that he might be able to beat Pikkon again and win lots of money, which _then_ means that I can finally get that car that I've always wanted. _But_ I don't think it's worth it.' 

"No. I won't do it. Unless..." 

"Unless what, King Kai?" 

"Unless you beat me in a joking contest." 

"A joking contest? You've got to be kidding!" 

"Nope, I'm dead serious. Puns and jokes only. No riddles. Bubbles and Gregory will be the judges. The first one who can't think of a joke loses and has to do all the paperwork." 

"Oh man, that's not fair!" 

"If you don't do it, I won't do the paperwork." 

"Fine." 

Goku and King Kai sat down at a table, and Gregory and Bubbles sat at another table. "Welcome to the annual joking contest. Today we have the challenger Goku against the reigning champion, King Kai!" No one except King Kai stood up and cheered, and so he shut up and sat back down. 

"Challenger, are you ready?" Goku gulped, then nodded. 

"Champion, are you ready?" King Kai nodded confidently. 

"Three, two, one, go!" 

King Kai started with the classics. "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!" 

Goku caught on and said, "Why did the one handed man cross the road? To get to the second hand shop!" 

"Why did the pigeon cross the road? Because it wanted to be like the chicken!" 

"Knock knock, who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce all in, it's cold out here!" 

"Knock knock, who's there? Cargo who? Cargo beep beep!" 

"What's a chicken way? About one kilogram!" 

"Doctor doctor, I only have fifty nine seconds left to live! Wait a minute!" 

"What did the boss say to the rocket? You're fired!" 

"What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it? Nothing, it just gave a little wine!" 

Goku was running out of jokes. He thought hard, and King Kai had an enormous grin on his face. "Remember Goku, if you lose, you have to do all the paperwork!" Goku was struggling, and then he said the first thing that came to his head. 

"Knock knock, who's there? Goke. Goke who? (It's supposed to sound like Goku) Are you talking to me?" 

"Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled!" 

"Um... what do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi!" 

"What did the carrot say to the wheat? Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet!" 

"What did the flour say when it fell down? I'm self raising!" 

"Can February March? No, but April May!" 

"What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming!" 

"Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!" 

"What did the traffic light say to the driver? Would you mind? I'm changing!" 

King Kai started to run out of jokes. 'Come on, King Kai, you _have _to think of one. Otherwise you're going to be spending the next ten years filling out forms!' Bubbles and Gregory started counting down. 

"Ten." 

"Ohh-ah." (That was Bubbles trying to say nine in monkey language) 

"Eight." 

"Ah ooh oh ooh ah." (That was Bubbles trying to say seven in monkey language) 

"Wait! Let me think!" screamed King Kai, losing his concentration. 

"Six." 

"Ooh ah." 

"Four...." 

"Ah ooh ohh." 

"Two..." 

"Ooh..." 

"Time's up! Goku is declared the winner!" 

King Kai screamed, walked away from the table and fell to his knees. "NOOOO!!!! How could this happen to me? I'm the King of jokes!" Goku walked over to King Kai and tried to comfort him. "It's not that bad, King Kai. We can have another competition when you finish all your paperwork. But now I have to go back and tell King Yemma and Pikkon the news. See you in ten years!" 

Goku teleported to King Yemma's place and told him about King Kai's offer and then went back to Pikkon. 

"Guess what Pikkon. I beat King Kai in a joking competition and now he's going to do the paperwork." 

"Good. That means I can finally finish off Cell." 


	9. Back to the HFIL

For those of you who don't know the toilet theory, it goes like this: when you flush the toilet, the water goes one way in America (either clockwise or anti-clockwise, I can't remember which,) and it goes in the opposite direction in Australia. 

Back to the HFIL 

Even though Cell's upper half was non-existent, he could still hear the conversation between Goku and Pikkon. They were talking about the best way to destroy Cell and what they were going to do afterwards. 

"... well, you could always kill him with your thunder flash attack, couldn't you?" 

"maybe, but that still won't completely destroy him." 

"I could use my kamehameha at the same time." 

"You could. We should try that." 

"What's really good is that King Yemma even allowed us to stay for a week here because of what we're doing." 

"That's great. I'll spend some time with Piccolo. He seems like a nice person. Smarter than you as well." 

Cell was thinking of a way for him to get out of his mess. 'Now what? It seems as if Goku has found someone else to do all the paperwork. Now I'll just have to survive long enough to kill Goku. That would be enough to make me happy so that I won't mind going back to the HFIL. Wait, Goku's already dead... hmmmm.... Well then I'll just have to half kill him.' 

"So Pikkon, are you ready?" asked Goku. Pikkon nodded, and Goku turned into a super saiyan. Pikkon took off his training robes and started his thunder flash attack. Goku put his hands together and focused his energy into the kamehameha. 

"Thunder..." 

"Ka... me...." 

"Flash..." 

"Ha... me..." 

"Attack!" 

"Ha!" 

Both blasts hit Cell full force, but unknown to them Cell had started regenerating and used the instant transmission to escape the blast. When all the smoke and debris cleared, Cell was nowhere to be seen. Gohan and Krillin started celebrating, and Piccolo was regaining consciousness. 

"Man, what happened to me? The last thing I remember was that Cell was regenerating and that Pikkon was watching like it didn't matter, and then I don't remember anything else. Hey, where'd Cell go?" 

Vegeta answered Piccolo's question. "It would appear that Cell has been killed by Goku and Pikkon." 

"Are you sure?" asked Piccolo, not quite sure that he was hearing right. 

"He should be dead, otherwise where could he be? He didn't even finish regenerating, so there's no way he could have gotten away," said Goku. "Let me go to King Yemma's and check." 

Goku disappeared and reappeared on top of King Yemma's desk. King Yemma was surprised to see Goku, and said, "Goku, what are you doing here? I thought you and Pikkon were still trying to beat Cell so that you could send him back to the HFIL." 

"What? You mean Cell's not here? You mean we still haven't killed him? Man, he's tough. And smart, too." Goku teleported back to the others and told them the bad news. No one was happy when they heard what happened. 

"But how could he have escaped?" 

"Are you looking for me?" asked Cell, suddenly appearing above them, and everyone looked up. "Well, you're forgetting that I can use the instant transmission ever since I self-destructed in the Cell games and somehow obtained Goku's cells." 

Everyone groaned as they remembered, and started doubting that Cell would ever go back to the HFIL. Pikkon was thinking, and Piccolo telepathically communicated with him. 'Hey Pikkon, I'll try and distract Cell and then you go for the kill. Sound good?' Pikkon smiled, letting Piccolo know that he agreed. Piccolo started charging up a special beam cannon, and Goku caught on and prepared the kamehameha. Cell looked at them and got ready to defend against their attacks. Pikkon watched closely, and when Goku and Piccolo fired and Cell defended, Pikkon rushed to Cell and killed him.. Everyone except Vegeta cheered (only because Vegeta has and always will be Vegeta) and Goku took Cell and handed him over to King Yemma. 

"Well, that's finally over. Now we have a whole week to enjoy ourselves before we go back to the other world," said Goku happily. 

Everyone said their farewells and split up. Goku and Gohan went back home, Krillin and Android 18 back to the Kame house, Vegeta back to the Capsule Corp (heh, Vegeta didn't do much, did he? Oh well.) and Piccolo and Pikkon went to Kami's lookout. Mr. Popo was glad to see Piccolo again, and gave him and Pikkon a huge feast. 

"Thanks Mr. Popo, but I don't each much," apologised Piccolo, but tried to eat some anyway. Pikkon found the food to be way better than Grand Kai's food and ate as much as he could. Mr. Popo was very impressed with Pikkon's manners. 

"Pikkon, you have such nice table manners. a lot better than Goku's I must say." 

Pikkon smiled and thanked him. They finished the meal and Popo brought them desert - fruit salad with fresh cream. Piccolo started eating the grapes, and Pikkon tried some and then concluded that it was his favourite food. 

"Wow Piccolo, these round green things are really nicce. What are they?" 

"They're called grapes." 

"You think I could take some back to the other world? We don't have any back there." 

"You mean grapes don't exist in the other world?! Then I never want to die! I just couldn't live without grapes!" 

"You'd already be dead." 

"Oh yeah." 

They both laughed, and then Piccolo jumped off Kami's lookout. Pikkon ran to the edge and shouted, "why did you jump off like that?" 

"I'm trying to kill myself!" 

"Why would you want to do that?" 

"Grapes don't exist in the other world!" 

"You might not even go there!" 

"Then where else is there to go?" 

"The HFIL!" 

"Do they have grapes?" 

"Not sure." 

"Still, life's no good without grapes and death isn't either!" 

"So you're trying to kill yourself?" 

"Yes!" 

"But there's still a bowl full of grapes here!" 

Piccolo had forgotten all about the grapes back on Kami's lookout, but it was too late. The ground rushed up to meet him, but instead of landing, he made a whole straight through the Earth and ended up in Australia. He painfully got up and made a mental note never to try and commit suicide again. 'Guess I might as well stay here for a while. I'll get to see what the Australians do. Oh yeah, and I also have to see if the toilet flushing theory is true.' 

The End

OK... I just discovered that in chapter seven I said that Cell didn't hear what the others were talking about, and for those of you that are confused (so am I), I meant that he was too busy regenerating to hear what they were saying. That should clear things up... I hope... 

Yes, I know it's a crappy way to get Cell back to the HFIL, but at least I tried to make the ending interesting! (If you want to think of it as interesting.) Hopefully my next story will end better. 


End file.
